Saturday, 21 July 2007

Searching for Sun in Spain

Success! I can report the potential Sun sighting mentioned before to be valid and correct. I would like to confirm that over the last 10 days I have been privileged enough to have basked in the glorious presence of the divine, omniscient god of yester-year, The Sun.

That is correct. There is a part of the world in which there still remains the daily rise and fall of the giant orangey yellow ball of warmth and light which we in the UK have been so unfortunately lacking for the last few months.

The mystical place I talk of is of course the distant and wondrous land of Southern Spain.

Spain is a country in which the discerning Englishman can become easily confused and disorientated. On numerous occasions I was left bemused after attempting to converse with members of the local population. After a 20 min. conversation with a local, I was happily able to describe every inch of the leathery skinned Spaniard’s face in minute detail, from his cavernous wrinkles to his obviously cigarette smoke tinted yellow nose. But unfortunately I came away no closer to knowing the location of the nearest ATM. A kindly Shop keeper did help me however, when I entered her establishment and requested directions to the beach, to be told “¡menuda gilipollez!” which I can only take to mean…

“left down this street, right over the traffic lights, past the post office, turn ‘round back the other way past the post office again ‘cos you’ve gone the wrong way, take the next left past the Meridian Hotel, hurdle a small wall, run/hide from Policia, and your there!”

…in Spanish, because these instructions worked a charm and before I could say -The Spanish Armada 1588- I was on the beach sipping San Miguel and discussing the pros and cons of English crickets Off Spinners with some bewildered Germans.

Spain is a fantastic place, the locals lack the friendliness to be called… well... "friendly”, but the place itself is grand, 10 days of beaches, pools, lots of San Miguel, and of course the reason for my pilgrimage, the quest to discover if there remains a place in which the Sun still shines, and the answer is resoundly, Yes! As Sun Champion of Her Majesties Empires however, I feel it is my duty to travel further a field and to find out if this truly is the only remaining sunny haven. So before you all flock South let me investigate the state of play to our East and gather a fuller picture of the extent of the Suns demise.

I shall report back shortly with news of my pending departure East due for the 30th June, until then, keep smiling, there is still hope out there… I’ve seen it!

Tuesday, 3 July 2007

The Search for Summer

It has come to my ever perceptive attention that while I’ve been slaving away behind my desk 9 – 5, the United Kingdom has been in a state of chronic depression for it has been without one of the main ingredients of good spirit… the Sun! Not the entire UK mind, I hear bits of western Scotland are actually quite lovely at the moment. But unless all 60 million of us intend on packing up our bum bags and migrating to MacDougal Land then there is definitely a need to bring back summer to the British Isles.
Due to the nation being in crisis I have decided to undertake a series of adventures around gods green and wonderful world in search of the kind of warm, illuminating, cancer inducing light we all crave!

To make this possible and to be able to fulfil my destiny as Sun Champion of Her Majesties Empires I have been forced to resign my post with the local financial institution for whom I was previously employed. This was not an easy decision to make and not one I took lightly, but in the end I think the entrenched, dishevelled, and generally down trodden population of our ever wet country will agree that my new mission is worthy.

First on my list of places to explore in search of heat, light and lovely UV is a land where the Paella has reigned strong for centuries, cheap package holidays are a form of currency, and historically the people like to build big groups of boats and send them our way, but most importantly this place has had a recent, unconfirmed sighting of my illusive target. I must move to confirm this immediately.

After visiting Spain, my travels take me to places such as Poland, Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Russia, Mongolia, China, and ultimately Wales (but I don’t hold out much hope of Sun Spotting there!) So I pledge to keep all informed of my progress and lets hope that my undertaking is a success and we get a bit of Sun to enjoy instead of sitting here looking out the window at the unrelenting barrage of water heaven is intent on sending earthwards.